Why me?

Why me?

This post is my wrangling with the question “why me?“ The first explanation comes from a speculative cause and affect perspective. The second explanation comes from a more philosophical viewpoint. 

**** DISCLAIMER**** what I’m about to say now is purely my opinion. I do not claim that this speculation has scientific backing. (Yes, the judicial system has scarred me.)

I grew up on a farm in eastern Nebraska in the 1960s. My father was a progressive farmer. He terraced the land and planted waterways to grass. He used tile drainage to remove excess water from soil below the surface and reclaim acres to farm. He used newly developed chemicals to protect his crops from disease, insects, and weeds.

Growing up, my summer fun included a visit to the tile drainage ditch, my own personal waterpark. I would put several tablespoons of Kool-Aid in a Tupperware glass, close with a lid and walk to the tile ditch. Very cold, very clear, water was brought from underground to the ditch through an aluminum pipe. I filled my Kool-Aid glass with this chemical laced water and enjoyed a nice cool drink before I splashed and waded in the water.

I believe that these repeated doses of farm chemicals over several summers as a prepubescent girl led to breast cancer at age 45. I had no risk factors for breast cancer. 

During the malpractice suit, we learned through the nurses’ deposition that my oncologist would commonly direct the nurses to short dose patients as a cost saving measure. Although it cannot be proven, I believe that this happened to me because breast cancer returned within six months of the conclusion of treatment. When the second bout of breast cancer happened so quickly after the first, it triggered a very aggressive approach to treatment. Part of this aggressive approach was significant radiation to the right chest wall. This course of treatment may have given me 16 extra years of life, but it may also have given me radiation induced sarcoma. 

Now for philosophical explanation of “why me?”

It’s curious that when something bad happens to us we often ask the question “why me?” But we seldom ask the question “why me?” when something good happens. 

I don’t have an answer for the primary “why me?” about good things. 

Why was I so fortunate to be born in the United States of America? To loving parents, who made sure that I had every opportunity? I did nothing to earn this.

I can’t explain all of the wonderful benefits that I have in my life. I’m not going to try to explain this one difficulty.